ack!! so cute!!! <3
How I feel when I get my hair done
How my friends say I look
How my mom says I look
How all the boys see me
Can you relate? You sit in your towel after a shower because you’re too lazy to get dressed. You and your best friend can say one word, and crack up. You hate when one string of your hoodie is longer than the other. You hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don’t. You hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway. You feel like if you turn on the lights, you will be safe from anything. You push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks. You laugh until people get hurt, then stop when you realize it’s serious. You hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them. You hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice. You pretend to sleep when your parents come in. You text the person next to you things that you can’t say out loud. You hate when people in front of you walk really slow and you can’t get past them. You’re always tired no matter how much sleep you get. You stop the microwave before it hits 00:00 to avoid hearing the beeps. You use the “sup” head nod. You just did the nod after you read it. You hate when you are mad at someone and they make you laugh. You check the fridge every ten seconds to see if food magically appeared.
Two churches located across the street from each other. At least the Catholics have a sense of humor.
Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down… And shot off their testicles.
“The old lady spent a week hunting those men down and, when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way”, said police investigator Evan Delp.
Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant’s desk and told him as calm as could be: “Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.”
Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.
The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas’ testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. “The one guy, Thomas, didn’t lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won’t be using it the way he used to”, Detective Delp told reporters. “Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they’re just happy to be alive after what they’ve been through.”
The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. “When I saw the look on my Debbie’s face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself ‘cause I figured the Law would go easy on them”, recalled the retired library worker. ”And I wasn’t scared of them, either - because I’ve got me a gun and I’ve been shooting all my life. And I wasn’t dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one.”
So, using a police artist’s sketch of the suspects and Debbie’s description of the sickos, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighbourhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.
“I knew it was them the minute I saw ‘em, but I shot a picture of ‘em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them,” the oldster recalled…
“So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door, and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot ‘em right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt ‘em most, you know. Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.”
Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny. “What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison,” Det. Delp said, “especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.”
This is honestly the most beautiful thing I’ve read all year.
jesus fucking christ this is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever read
She is my idol.
hahahaha! oh god, i don’t even.
The Loneliest Whale in the World.
In 2004, The New York Times wrote an article about the loneliest whale in the world. Scientists have been tracking her since 1992 and they discovered the problem:
She isn’t like any other baleen whale. Unlike all other whales, she doesn’t have friends. She doesn’t have a family. She doesn’t belong to any tribe, pack or gang. She doesn’t have a lover. She never had one. Her songs come in groups of two to six calls, lasting for five to six seconds each. But her voice is unlike any other baleen whale. It is unique—while the rest of her kind communicate between 12 and 25hz, she sings at 52hz. You see, that’s precisely the problem. No other whales can hear her. Every one of her desperate calls to communicate remains unanswered. Each cry ignored. And, with every lonely song, she becomes sadder and more frustrated, her notes going deeper in despair as the years go by.
Just imagine that massive mammal, floating alone and singing—too big to connect with any of the beings it passes, feeling paradoxically small in the vast stretches of empty, open ocean.
